In 1984 my beautiful brother died by suicide. He was 29, I was 26. His death was all the things you might imagine in your darkest thoughts. My healing from his death was really hard work, I didn’t do it alone, and it took a very long time. It takes a lifetime really, and it should. The love and the memories live forever.

Our family did everything for Micheal; from cleaning his apartment where he died, to building his coffin, we wrote and delivered his funeral service, and we brought his cremated remains home and made little leather pouches to give a small portion of ashes to each of his dearest family and friends.  

As per his request, we cast most of his ashes into the Pacific Ocean from a sailboat. Some were taken to Europe to be tucked into places he had visited and loved, some went to Switzerland, some to the United States.

I had years ago scattered and tucked most of my own pouch of Michael’s ashes, here and there as the spirit moved me. I was recently gifted one of those original pouches with Michael’s ashes from a dear cousin. What a gift that was! I encourage anyone who has the care of a beloved’s ashes to save back just a little. There are so many beautiful ways to include ashes in jewelry these days. I also want a tiny bit of each of my beloveds’ ashes to be tucked into my shroud when I’m buried. Naturally buried, of course.

I love having the ashes of my beloveds. There is something so tangible, so tactile, so real about holding those tiny bits of bone. They are beautiful. The colours of ashes are different for every person. With flame cremation, which is what I am most familiar with, the ashes will include more than the body. There might be tiny pieces of the cremation container or bits of precious things we tucked in with our person. These are all memories.

My husband and I make wooden jewelry. In 2002 David asked if I might like a wooden ring with an inlay of my mom and dad’s ashes. We were already making Touch Wood Rings, custom commissioned wooden rings primarily for weddings and engagements. We began to offer Touch Wood Memorial Rings after I fell in love with mine.

Over the past two decades we have worked with people who have lost their animal companions, their dogs, their cats, their horses. We have worked with folks who lost a brother or sister or a mom or dad. We’ve worked with people who lost partners, husbands, wives. And we work with parents who have lost children; unborn babies, stillborn babes and grown children who have died by suicide, accidents, and illnesses. In all cases, it is an incredible honour and a privilege to be invited into that tender circle of grief to provide some comfort in a piece of memorial jewelry. 

Ashes. Cremated Remains. Cremains. Whatever you call them, they are the bones of our beloveds after cremation by fire or water. The folks we work with mail us a few teaspoons of ash for their ring or pendant. They might include some flower petals, or a tiny bit of hair or fur or a special rock or shell to be added to the inlay. We treat the arrival of a beloved’s ashes with the greatest reverence and always light a candle and place it in the window overlooking the meadow as we open their packages. We ask the folks we work with to share stories and photographs of their beloved. We invite the spirit of the person or companion animal to visit us here on our off grid homestead to experience this beautiful wilderness. David says he often feels your beloved’s presence while he’s creating your ring or pin.  

One of the things I love most about my own memorial rings is having an opening to talk about the person. When someone asks about my ring, it gives me the opportunity to tell a story. To share my long dead person with someone new.

So, hang on to some of those ashes. Just a wee bit. There is no rush.  The love and memories are forever and their ashes in a Memorial Ring or pendant might bring you some comfort. Today or years from now.

With love.

Nicola

This post was written specially for Christa Ovenell by invitation, for use on her website; Death's Apprentice.

BIO

Nicola Finch lives off-grid in a remote area west of Williams Lake, BC. She and her husband David Finch are co-owners of Touch Wood Rings and Touch Wood Memorial Rings. They offer custom handcrafted wooden engagement and wedding rings, as well as wooden memorial rings inlaid with the ashes of a loved one. Nicola’s passion is holistic end-of-life care. She is a photographer, a Death Doula and an advocate for greener, gentler end-of-life options.

Find Nicola on Facebook and Instagram @greenburialbc @touchwoodrings @memorialrings.

Visit  https://linktr.ee/DyingGreen