Touch Wood Memorial Rings

Work is Love Made Visible

nikolafinch@outlook.com (Nicola Finch) — Fri, 06 Jan 2023 01:14:20 GMT

Committed to you and your blessed dead

In 7th grade, I was fortunate to have had a truly inspirational teacher. He inspired and encouraged my love of acting and writing and set me on a course that would have a huge impact on my life. At the end of Grade 7, which was the transition point from Elementary School to Junior High, my beloved teacher, Victor Wilson gave me a copy of 'The Prophet' by Kahlil Gibran with a personal note of love and encouragement inscribed on the inside cover. I will never forget that marvelous teacher and have always felt The Prophet to be my own personal book of psalms.

When I consider my life and my work, a single phrase from Gibran often comes to mind.

"Work is love made visible."

Here is an excerpt from 'On Work'

"And what is it to work with love?

It is to weave the cloth with threads drawn from your heart,

even as if your beloved were to wear that cloth.

It is to build a house with affection,

even as if your beloved were to dwell in that house.

It is to sow seeds with tenderness and reap the harvest with joy,

even as if your beloved were to eat the fruit.

It is to charge all things you fashion with a breath of your own spirit,

And to know that all the blessed dead

are standing about you and watching."

This is how David and I approach our work.

After more than two decades of Touch Wood Rings and working with folks from all over the world, it is still just the two of us and our hands and hearts committed to you, your blessed dead, and your memorial jewelry. With Love. Always.

The Body Remembers

nikolafinch@outlook.com (Nicola Finch) — Sun, 11 Dec 2022 23:03:58 GMT

It was a good mourning

Hi. It’s Nicola here. It always is, but just in case you were wondering.

I wrote this on my personal Facebook timeline a while back and thought that it might resonate with some of you who are here thinking about a memorial ring, and missing loved ones.

My decades ago acting teacher; the wise and wonderful Linda Putnam would say, “The body remembers what the mind forgets.”

I had a good sleep last night.

I got up and started the fire. Put the kettle on.

Standing at the kitchen window, a wave of sadness came over me and I Cried.

This was deep sadness coming out of I knew not where.

As the tears fell, I was overcome with missing my family.

A longing to hear their voices. My beloved dead. My mom and dad especially.

A little later while David and I were having breakfast, I opened my Ancestry chart wondering if this was an anniversary.

My mom died on this day in 1992. November 4th. We were all there with her. We took her home from the hospital for an old fashioned Irish wake.

It was a good cry. This was a good mourning.

I’m so pleased that my body remembered, and gave me that warm, wet-with-tears hug from my dead mom.

Like Honey

nikolafinch@outlook.com (Nicola Finch) — Tue, 20 Sep 2022 20:28:12 GMT

Tell their stories.

There's a lot of good grief work in my days; talking with folks about the someone they love who died, designing a piece of memorial jewelry that honors that love. Making decisions about woods and coming up with a design that speaks to your heart.

We might talk about the spiritual meanings of different woods, trees from where your beloved felt most at home. How they died. How they saved your life. And how it's hard sometimes to remember the sound of their voice. How you lose them over and over, and where you find them.

It's heart work, this grief work. There's substance and weight to it. There are photographs and ashes.

And it's all that really matters; the love that's left on our fingers like honey, or butter after a cob of corn. It's sweet and sticky and messy.

Remember them. Tell their stories. If no one is listening, talk to the trees. They know how to hold you. Let that honey drip.

The tender circle of grief

nikolafinch@outlook.com (Nicola Finch) — Tue, 26 Jul 2022 00:11:24 GMT

Heart Work

In 1984 my beautiful brother died by suicide. He was 29, I was 26. His death was all the things you might imagine in your darkest thoughts. My healing from his death was really hard work, I didn’t do it alone, and it took a very long time. It takes a lifetime really, and it should. The love and the memories live forever.

Our family did everything for Micheal; from cleaning his apartment where he died, to building his coffin, we wrote and delivered his funeral service, and we brought his cremated remains home and made little leather pouches to give a small portion of ashes to each of his dearest family and friends.

As per his request, we cast most of his ashes into the Pacific Ocean from a sailboat. Some were taken to Europe to be tucked into places he had visited and loved, some went to Switzerland, some to the United States.

I had years ago scattered and tucked most of my own pouch of Michael’s ashes, here and there as the spirit moved me. I was recently gifted one of those original pouches with Michael’s ashes from a dear cousin. What a gift that was! I encourage anyone who has the care of a beloved’s ashes to save back just a little. There are so many beautiful ways to include ashes in jewelry these days. I also want a tiny bit of each of my beloveds’ ashes to be tucked into my shroud when I’m buried. Naturally buried, of course.

I love having the ashes of my beloveds. There is something so tangible, so tactile, so real about holding those tiny bits of bone. They are beautiful. The colours of ashes are different for every person. With flame cremation, which is what I am most familiar with, the ashes will include more than the body. There might be tiny pieces of the cremation container or bits of precious things we tucked in with our person. These are all memories.

My husband and I make wooden jewelry. In 2002 David asked if I might like a wooden ring with an inlay of my mom and dad’s ashes. We were already making Touch Wood Rings, custom commissioned wooden rings primarily for weddings and engagements. We began to offer Touch Wood Memorial Rings after I fell in love with mine.

Over the past two decades we have worked with people who have lost their animal companions, their dogs, their cats, their horses. We have worked with folks who lost a brother or sister or a mom or dad. We’ve worked with people who lost partners, husbands, wives. And we work with parents who have lost children; unborn babies, stillborn babes and grown children who have died by suicide, accidents, and illnesses. In all cases, it is an incredible honour and a privilege to be invited into that tender circle of grief to provide some comfort in a piece of memorial jewelry.

Ashes. Cremated Remains. Cremains. Whatever you call them, they are the bones of our beloveds after cremation by fire or water. The folks we work with mail us a few teaspoons of ash for their ring or pendant. They might include some flower petals, or a tiny bit of hair or fur or a special rock or shell to be added to the inlay. We treat the arrival of a beloved’s ashes with the greatest reverence and always light a candle and place it in the window overlooking the meadow as we open their packages. We ask the folks we work with to share stories and photographs of their beloved. We invite the spirit of the person or companion animal to visit us here on our off grid homestead to experience this beautiful wilderness. David says he often feels your beloved’s presence while he’s creating your ring or pin.

One of the things I love most about my own memorial rings is having an opening to talk about the person. When someone asks about my ring, it gives me the opportunity to tell a story. To share my long dead person with someone new.

So, hang on to some of those ashes. Just a wee bit. There is no rush. The love and memories are forever and their ashes in a Memorial Ring or pendant might bring you some comfort. Today or years from now.

With love.

Nicola

This post was written specially for Christa Ovenell by invitation, for use on her website; Death's Apprentice.

BIO

Nicola Finch lives off-grid in a remote area west of Williams Lake, BC. She and her husband David Finch are co-owners of Touch Wood Rings and Touch Wood Memorial Rings. They offer custom handcrafted wooden engagement and wedding rings, as well as wooden memorial rings inlaid with the ashes of a loved one. Nicola’s passion is holistic end-of-life care. She is a photographer, a Death Doula and an advocate for greener, gentler end-of-life options.

Find Nicola on Facebook and Instagram @greenburialbc @touchwoodrings @memorialrings.

Visit https://linktr.ee/DyingGreen

Love and Loss and Finding Love Again

Sun, 26 Sep 2021 19:22:47 GMT

I n Loving Remembrance of Baby Ayrton.

Brittney and Timothy's first child passed away on the day he was due to be born. A tragic accident during labor left him without the oxygen to survive. He was gone before they could even attempt to save him. The date was July 31st, 2020, a month before their 5th anniversary.

Brittney reached out to us in October 2020. She was looking to have a ring made for Timothy in honour of their 5th wedding anniversary.

She told me how in July, she was in no condition to even consider gifts, or celebrate their August anniversary. She explained how Timothy still found it in his heart to make her a gift for their anniversary, a sign with both their names and a gift made to commemorate their lost son. It was a pendant he designed from their sons' footprint and custom-crafted by a local jeweler.

Brittney said, "I'd like to have something made for my husband that will allow him to carry a piece of his first son with him, as well as a representation of our love and commitment to each other. Since five years is traditionally wood, a wood ring seems like the perfect gift. With the ability to add a touch of ash from our baby boy, well it would make the gift mean more than I can explain."

David worked with Brittney to create a memorial ring for Tim of Wenge wood with an inlay of Ayrton's ashes mixed with a little bit of Fire Opal to represent Ayrton's birthstone; Ruby. Tim's ring was lined with maple for Brittney's inscription.

It is the most heartbreaking of losses when a couple loses their baby. It is an honour and a privilege to be invited into that tender circle of grief to provide some comfort in a piece of memorial jewelry. David completed work on Tim's ring and in early December, we shipped it off to Brittney.

In early January I received an email from Brittney that I could hardly read through the tears. She told us that she and Tim were expecting baby #2 in June of this year!! She said they had every expectation that this little bundle would make it safely into their arms. And would we keep her and Tim in our prayers, at least occasionally?

I thought of Brittney so often over the next months; hoping and praying. The happy news came on June 16th!! Calvin was born on June 10th. Brittney saying "It is a dream come true and he is absolutely my world right now."

She said they love their ring and that they were doing newborn photos and planning to have the ring as part of the shoot. When she sent photos, and I asked if we might share her story, she said, "Feel free to share every bit of my story. It's a story of love and loss and finding love again.

It should be shared to give hope to others who have lost, that they can find joy again."

Our huge thanks and love to Brittney and Tim ~ and baby Calvin.

When I look into the sky and see those tiny stars that shine like rubies, I'll think of baby Ayrton and his loving family.

The Colour of their Eyes.

Tue, 06 Jul 2021 21:41:35 GMT

Tell me about them.

For 20 years now. This is where we've lived. This is the land we steward. This is where you send the ashes of your beloved dead when you commission a Touch Wood Memorial Ring.

We always invite the spirit of your person or pet to wander in and visit, to lean over David’s shoulder as he works, to watch a sunset or play with the otters or to walk with us to the Stone Circle and listen to the blackbirds songs.

When the work is done we return any ashes David didn’t use, or we scatter them here, on these 48 acres, in a special spot, in a quiet ceremony. In remembrance.

Write to me.

Tell me about them. The colour of their eyes. Who and what they loved.

The hole in your heart.

The ring or pin you might like to wear to carry them with you.

With love.
nicola@memorialrings.ca